Hmm... here to write out thoughts to clear my brian... the cells are fighting with each other... Just saw her profile on Friendster with latest update... went in to see out of curosity... I know I'll find out what I don't wanna see... But wtf I already see real life...

Althought both of them are still in Single mode... but there is more beyond the eye... I still don't know why I still not letting... Maybe I need to pack and go up the moutian for enlightenment... Ha... Really hate myself... Its been 8 moths yet it is still not ok...

But one thing for sure... I'm already letting go... I can't forget I can only accept and let go... The fact that all the reason of breaking up its just reason for escaping off me... Otherwise, he wont jump into her, when he said there wont be any future...

After that downpour that night... everything come so clear and so define... have pack up my feelings and head down the future by myself... I wanna be strong to face everything by myself... I can do it man... I dun wanna be taken as negative... Every course has its mean and reason...

I believe no matter if that breakup is out of self-fishness or really putting me in first place is not important anymore... At least that time he face his feeling truthfully and I am not the one... He didn't really treat me as his close friend thou so this I should already see it soon... However I always bluff myself and give him the benefits of the doubt... I've gaven hers too when Adeline reprimand me of thinking too much...

But all I have is "betrayal"... I know why he wanna say he don't wanna me to bear grudges going back... its not for him its for someone else... Saw their photo as well... she sent him off... thinking back din't have the privilege of doing so when with him...

Nevertheless... I have close chapter and move on with whoever have stand by my side and stay strong with me... I have the courage to move on... I do not know if I have the courage to really see them... otherwise I'll call them the other day... Still let's see the big day to come...

Hur... feel much better after all this... after all the complaining and tantrum and everything... I realise its only me that is so affected by it... Just me and myself only... Shall put it behind and move on... Seriously seeing it out of the box... No one is in the wrong... it just happen... its all about feeling... Even if I dont like the situation now... I hope she wont end up like me... and I hope he treats her well... I hope they will be happy... and this is what they really want...

Thanks for listening to old nanny stories... Its beeing 9 months already... times flies... I wish the day that I can look back and smile will come soon... I think I'm really recovery after so long... Thanks to all my ladies... my babes... my darlings... my dears... my sisters... and my brothers... my families... You Guys Rock To The Very Core... No worries about it man... Lynn is always so strong as ever... heez... will be cool cool and take it easy man... ^_^